Ficando - The Mindfield of Carioca Dating

I have identified four types of Carioca girls when it comes to dating:

1. liberated girl, possibly from Zona Sul but not necessarily, has a steady boyfriend and a guy on the side. Reason (and she will tell you this with a straight face): in case you break up with him, you won't be left in tears or be alone.

2. very liberated girl, could be from anywhere in Rio, she has between three and five guys around who she is dating, at least two of which are just purely physical relationships and one is the guy she really likes. If there are any left, those are just guys who will take her out, are fun and will buy drinks/dinner.

3. conservative girl, usually from the working class bairros, from an Evangelical Christian family, has to convince her mother she can stay over a guy's house, even into her 30s, will live at home before marriage, has one boyfriend at a time with nobody on the side, and will usually manage to get an earlier engagement ring.

4. very conservative girl, also from a working class bairro, will not have sex before marriage, and for this reason usually has a boyfriend from high school or university, he's the only one she's ever had, they probably haven't had sex, and are definitely engaged. Their families are friends, and she is definitely a virgin.

The former 'liberated' girls are empirically more interesting, as they reveal the evolving and often contradictory place that young Carioca women find themselves in when relating to the opposite sex. On the one hand, they have the traditional Brazilian culture weighing on their shoulders, which plays out in all aspects of dating, from sending a text to what to wear to the bar.

A more upper class girl will dress in the latest fashion but not be trendy, she is discreet and will not show much skin, and in doing so she is sending the message that she is precious, valuable and doesn't give it up easily. On the other hand, a more working class girl will be as trendy as her wallet can afford, but can usually be found in revealing clothing, and she is also sending the signal that she is precious and valuable, in her own way. The target audiences are different, hence the clothing distinctions.

Across the barriers of class and post code, Carioca women share similar ideas about their male counterparts. The best times to go out, for example, are either rainy nights or during the winter. Reason: less women go out, less competition. When asked why one would have to compete, the answer was that men often break up with their girlfriends at the beginning of the summer, as they have more dating options and don't want to be tied down. We're not talking about students here, but grown men ...

Insecurity runs deep. But why should women be threatened or feel less-than ? Part of it has to do with cheating. A recent study in the Brazilian daily newspaper O Globo stated that 40% of men claim to cheat. This official figure indicates who has admitted to infidelity, and doesn't necessarily reflect the real figures. It can certainly be extrapolated that at least half of men in relationships are cheating.

But what about women? Those with a guy on the side, or dating multiple men at the same time, what do they have to say for themselves, and how are they contributing to the problem? By trying to 'act like men', so as to avoid getting hurt, they are only exacerbating the situation. They are cheating just the same, if for different reasons, the result is that mistrust runs deep.

Baby Got Back

The sunga (pronounced soon-ga). Reassuring bums tightly wrapped in yellow, red and black. Rio welcomes me back, standing legs apart, facing the ocean, tan and muscled. Sometimes - kitsch heaven - they are wearing matching hats.

It's late June, the beginning of winter, and the famous Posto 9, Ipanema Beach, is windy and cool. Surf is decidedly up. Oh, wait, there goes a blue sunga. Perpendicular to the water line, he stands up. Kind of gives a whole new meaning to side profile, this swath of bathing suit.

Not that I'm looking. Well, of course I'm looking, but in a completely different way this time. It's a spectacle. And yes, it certainly wakes up the first chakra. It's gotta be the combination of skin and sun. I'm not looking too bad myself.

So indoctrinated into this culture of color - hint - white is the absence of color - that I made a point to spend an hour tanning today. Tonight's a big night, and I want to look good. I'm meeting the News Team at my new gig, the online weekly employing yours truly to edit and write stories about Rio for people whom I imagine are as white or whiter than me. It's ironic that after years of trying to fit in wherever I go, especially in Latin countries, with my blondes and blues, I'm the head of the outgroup's flagship publication, the Gringo Times! I love it. Sweet contradiction.

Back to the action on the sand ... I'm looking around at the beach vendors, total characters - some even in costume - and can't believe that I live here! It's a carnival all year round in Rio, they just put everyone on the streets for that one week in February. Otherwise, the freaks, geeks and chics are all beaching it, or coming out at night, to Copacabana and Lapa, to strut their stuff and tut their tut.

The vendors, right ... what about the guys in Egyptian Pharaoh get-ups, white and gold, complete with tomb hats and long tunics. Then there are the guys selling matte and limao, tea and lemonade, who go around with a mini-keg of each on their arms. Or the guy selling Globo biscuits who rings a little bell, just in case you didn't hear him shouting 'biscoito Globo, 2 Reais'.

My personal favorite is hard-working barbeque man, who will make you grilled shrimp and cheese, and literally comes around with a mini-barbeque on his shoulders. But wait, there's a new one - fruit guy. He's got a large wicker bowl of pineapples and mango on his head, held up African style, perched on a flattened sarong. The crowning touch is his green surgical globves - safety first!

And let's not forget the tattoo action. Usually guys that wear sungas don't have tattooes, as they would distract fro mtheir muscles. If they have them, they're small and black. The surf trunks guys will have tattooes, and they can be big, ala a life-size cobra down their leg or a crescent moon spanning both shoulder blades. And lest women be left out, they sport them as well. Song lyrics in italics on the back are popular for the gentler sex, as are the ubiquitous stars and hearts on the waist/ankle/wrist.

Welcome-body-back, Rio. My observations may be skin-deep, but there's alot going on under the surface revealed right here on the sand, no ex-ray goggles necessary.